-by Mimi Rothschild

Are you homeschooling a shy child? Homeschooling can allow a shy child to learn more, since the presence of boisterous, outgoing kids can make the school setting uncomfortable. A shy child in a classroom full of bold children may not speak up when she misunderstands or give an answer when a question is asked. She may be overlooked by teachers or feel isolated from fellow students. In a homeschool setting, a quiet child’s abilities may shine better than in a school setting.

At the same time, it’s natural for parents to feel concerned. Are we limiting our child’s social development by keeping him from being forced to overcome his shyness? Should we cater to that shyness, or do we need to make extra efforts to make our child come out of her shell?

First, we should recognize that shyness is an aspect of a person’s temperament. We may think of a shy child as timid or frightened, as poorly socialized, or lacking in the ability to get along with others. In fact, the child we call shy may merely be an introvert. Some psychologists describe introverted people as those who gain energy from being alone, which is completely different from being timid or afraid of other children.

Separating timidity from introversion can help us to help our children outgrow timidity without failing to appreciate their natural temperament.

2 Timothy 1:7 says, “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.” A feeling of love toward others, an awareness of God’s power supporting us, and self-discipline to be brave in new situations can help a timid child.

1 Thessalonians tells us, “And we urge you… encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.” We can encourage our shy children when they’re timid, and give them time alone when they need to recharge their emotional batteries.

One surprising help for shy kids is a study of manners. Knowing for certain that we are doing exactly the right thing in a social setting allows us to feel more confident and less self-conscious. We can have that spirit of power, and think about others with love, instead of worrying that we might be using the wrong fork or speaking out of turn.

Enjoy learning about manners in different countries or customs of different times, and practice good manners at the family dinner table. The social graces give confidence, and make your children welcome in all situations.

For some shy children, having more information about a situation ahead of time makes it more comfortable. Saying, “We’re going to go to the library for story time and we’re going to meet Gabriel and his mom there, and then we’ll go to the park to play for a while before we come home” lets your child feel prepared for the interaction, Allowing her to play on the edge of a group of children, to stay with you for a while before joining in a game, or to leave the game when she needs some down time are other ways to help her enjoy play dates.

With understanding, preparation, and encouragement, we can provide a rewarding environment for our shy children.

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Mimi Rothschild is the Founder of LearningByGrace.org the nation’s leading provider of online PreK-12 online Christian educational programs for homeschoolers.